El primer cerdo construía una casa de paja. El cerdito llevaba un sombrero y la chaqueta negra y toqué la flauta. El segundo cerdo contruía una casa. Él utilizó la madera para construir su casa. Él llevaba una gorra azul y una chaqueta azul. Toqué el violín. El tercer cerdo también construía una casa. Su casa fue hecha de ladrillos. El tercer lo cerdo gustaba a trabajar.
Un lobo miraba los puercos. Tenía muy hambre. El lobo persiguió los puercos. El primer cerdo iba a su casa de paja y el segundo cerdo iba a su casa de madera. El lobo siguío el primer cerdo y arruinó la casa de la paja. El lobo fue a la segunda casa de cerdos. Los pequeños cerdos eran buenos. Entonces el lobo arruino la casa de la madera. Los dos cerdos fueron a la casa del ladrillo.
El lobo llevó ropa que una persona llevaría. El lobo intentó volar la casa de ladrillo. El lobo trató de bajar por la chimenea. Los puercos se hervían agua. Fue una olla grande. Él se quemó. Los puercos pequeños fueron buenos. Ellos bailaban y cantaban porque son muy felices.
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ReplyDeleteElementary II
ReplyDeleteDaniel Castañeda
Peer-Review Checklist (Last Posting)
In order to do this peer-review, first you need to watch the video segment embedded in the blog (or in Vista/WebCT).
I. First impressions
a. What did you like best about this essay?
II. Are there any places where .........
a. the writer should add more descriptions or details (the imperfect)?
b. the writer should add more main events (the preterite-move the story forward)
b. the organization of the text is unclear.
c. language is
a. ...inappropriate for purpose and audience?
b. ...difficult to understand?
II Summing up
a. In which specific ways could this text be improved?
c. What do you think needs the most revision? For instance, conjugation of verbs, use of the right tense, etc. Provide specific suggestions.
First Impressions: Good quick summary of the events.
ReplyDelete(a) I liked that Stephen used distinguished the pigs from one another by describing their clothes.
Places to edit:
(a) i would like to see a description of the wolf, his dress and his demeanor throughout the story.
(b)The main events are concise, though there were a few places i got confused:
--El lobo siguío el primer cerdo. El lobo fue a la segunda casa de cerdos. (There seems to be something missing between these two actions.)
(C)the organization of the text is fine, but i wonder about a few of the events and why they are left out. Having a the following events included may help organize the text a little better so that the reader understands their place within the story:
--the wolf dressing as a sheep
--the pigs dancing and singing throughout
Language:
(a) is appropriate for children and adults. The story isn't scary as it is written, like it very well could be.
(b)I understand most everything. My only concern is:
--The back and forth use of "cerdo" and "puercos." It was a little confusing at first.
Summary:
(a) Overall, the text could be improved with a little more description.
(b)my suggestions are the ones above, as well as:
--El tercer lo cerdo gustaba a trabajar.
(Why does the "lo" need to be in this sentence?)
--Un lobo miraba los puercos. (Miraba should be in the preterit because it advances the story)
--El primer cerdo iba a su casa de paja y el segundo cerdo iba a su casa de madera. (Iba should be in the preterit because the story is being advanced through these actions)
--Los pequeños cerdos eran buenos. (What exactly is meant by this phrase?)
--El lobo llevó ropa que una persona llevaría. (llevó should be in the imperfect because it is a temporary description)
--Los puercos pequeños fueron buenos. (ser should be in the imperfect because it is a temporary condition)
Good Job!
AnnaLeigh Oakes
Good job Stephen! In general, you have used the preterite and imperfect appropriately. On the other hand, there were some expressions that needed to be fixed, specially the ones annaleigh pointed out in the feedback she provided. Some of these phrases include:
ReplyDelete--El primer cerdo iba a su casa de paja y el segundo cerdo iba a su casa de madera. (Iba should be in the preterit because the story is being advanced through these actions)
--El lobo llevó ropa que una persona llevaría. (llevó should be in the imperfect because it is a temporary description)
--Los puercos pequeños fueron buenos. (ser should be in the imperfect because it is a temporary condition)
Your grade is 9/10